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05 December 2011 @ 02:30 pm
Not everyone is perfect...  
So I'm in a bit of a bind here...

My friend and I am living in the same apartment. I, being forgetful sometimes, would forget to lock the door when I leave.
It doesn't happen often (once a month tops), but I guess it happened one too many times for my (little more paranoid) friend.

So I'm at work early today (5:30am), and I received a text at 7am (which I didn't get to read until 9am) which read:

"Um i would appreciated it or at least feel safer if you could lock the doors wen u leave... Donno why u didnt but dont get how u could forget..."

So stupid me forgot to lock the doors again, and I feel bad, honestly!
But then I also feel a bit affronted, since throughout the months we've lived together, she has been saying that she sometimes can't sleep at night, or light noises wake her up, most likely due to a robbery incidence at her house when she was in high school.

I get it.
And I know I'm in the wrong.
But I can't help being forgetful, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who forgets these things.
I don't mean to forget at all. Who does, really?

So I feel a bit defensive when she says she "doesn't understand" how I could forget, like I'm some idiotic moron (which, right now, really does seem like I am *sigh*).

I didn't want to leave her hanging, so I made the brutal error of replying:

"I'm pretty sure I at least locked the bottom (2 locks, and I'm pretty certain I did!)... Sorry, not really enough, but I can't change what hasn't been done"

I meant it in the way that I am sorry, though I totally understand that just "sorry" doesn't cut it. And on retrospect, I feel that my text message might have been misunderstood, since now she's locked in her room, I assume, until 2:50pm, which is when her shift will start.

I'm just wondering what my next step is. I don't know what to do... I just want to make things ok again...
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
leskayleskay on December 5th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
Put a note on the inside of the door that says LOCK THE DOOR. I have post-its everywhere because I'm forgetful. I don't have that particular one because I prefer to leave the doors unlocked, but I have things like "Keys, wallet, phone" and "MONDAYS: garbage." etc. It really does work.
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
I will definitely try this out, though I tend to glaze over messages if they've been left there too long >__<''
leskayleskay on December 5th, 2011 11:43 pm (UTC)
They change where it is. It will work for at least the first week. Then change the color of the post it, or put it in a different place. Keep changing it so you don't habituate to it.
Debbiemomogiri on December 6th, 2011 12:35 am (UTC)
haha Yeah, I put up my first post-it :D
AYMSzeto on December 6th, 2011 10:17 am (UTC)
This is exactly what I was going to say. I almost forgot my bus pass that I lent to my uncle, but his helpful reminder taped to the door helped, haha.

And don't just keep it in the same spot. Move that post-it note around. Other areas of the door, stick it on your coat, your shoes, your computer, etc.

Eventually it'll (hopefully) become an automatic habit to lock the door.
Debbiemomogiri on December 7th, 2011 04:33 am (UTC)
Haha I will definitely try to move it around every week :D
echoandsway: tangerine moonechoandsway on December 5th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
>
I get it.
And I know I'm in the wrong.
But I can't help being forgetful, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who forgets these things.
I don't mean to forget at all. Who does, really?


Yes, you can help it. Even if you live out in the sticks, it's dangerous to leave the door unlocked -- your housemate is correct. A burglary is a big thing, and if you'd ever had one, or worse surprised or been surprised by an intruder, you'd know that. There's a reason your roommate is "paranoid" about it after experiencing it.

Your acting like it's no big deal (because really, you are) is very offputting. Your "forgetfulness" jeopardizes her belongings, and her safety. I'd be pissed, too. Her expectations are minimal and reasonable; why aren't you trying harder to meet them? Do you plan to replace her stuff if it gets stolen? What do you do if you get an intruder bent on more than burglary?

Put a big damn note on the door at eye level saying "DON'T FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR!!!" to remind yourself. This is not hard; a little baseline conscientiousness will solve the problem, so stop making excuses for yourself in responding to her, acting like it's not a big deal and she's "just paranoid", and remind yourself to do it.
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
Re: >
Hnnn thanks for putting things in prespective and for your honesty!

I will definitely do (not just try) harder now!!
echoandswayechoandsway on December 5th, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
Re: >
Yeah, I know it sounds harsh, but I've had a burglary -- and surprised two intruders. People who will break into your home are potentially *very* dangerous.
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
Re: >
No no, this is good!
It will serve as a harsh reminder of why I shouldn't forget to lock the door!
echoandswayechoandsway on December 5th, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Re: >
It will eventually become habit, and it usually doesn't take very long, if you are being conscientious about doing it every time you walk out (or in).
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 11:01 pm (UTC)
Re: >
Ah yes, I just need wake-up calls occasionally like this to get my act together >__<''
echoandswayechoandsway on December 5th, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
Re: >
Thought I was posting under a cut in AMA, not your personal LJ. But yes. That's the answer. A big note on the door. She is in the right.
Daylebluelinegoddess on December 5th, 2011 10:51 pm (UTC)
I grew up where the door was locked 24/7. Wasn't a bad neighborhood or anything, just... you know how you always hear on the news stories of robberies and such, and you always have some guy going "We never even lock the doors here!" - yeah, I don't want to be one of those people. So I get home, lock the door immediately behind me. Leave, lock the door immediately.

I had a friend live with me a few years ago that NEVER locked the door. She'd come home and go to bed and I'd check and the door is unlocked. And all I could think of is "Wow, someone could totally have come in and killed us both, robbed us blind, and all because she couldn't take 1 second to lock the door." I'd remind her again and again, and yet every single day the door would be unlocked. Drove me batty. (She then decided to make copies of the door key to give to friends... yeah...)

So I understand her text (because I really can't understand how you could forget to secure your belongings either) though I see how it can hurt if you really don't have any malicious intent. Likewise, I can see how your text back would anger her, because she's obviously still dealing with trauma from being robbed, and your reply can be taken somewhat flippantly.

So make notes if you have to, if you leave at the same point every day see if you can set an alarm on your phone to say "LOCK THE DOOR" or whatever. It won't take long before it becomes a habit. :)

ETA: Send her an apology text, say that you are sorry if your text wasn't clear that you are truly sorry and you're going to make every effort to be more diligent about locking the door. And maybe ask if she can help you with remembering.


Edited at 2011-12-05 10:52 pm (UTC)
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Yeah, she came out of her room about 10 minutes ago, and I did apologize again!

I will take the alarm into consideration!! Thanks
Leeshersleeshers on December 5th, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Do you have an alarm on your phone If you leave for work at the same time you could set the alarm to remind you to lock it.
Debbiemomogiri on December 5th, 2011 10:59 pm (UTC)
I will definitely try this out! Thanks!
Brianatrafficked on December 6th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
You might try putting your keys on a hook or table next to the door so when you leave you are forced to grab them and the act of grabbing them could serve as a reminder to lock the door. The keys would already be in your hand and don't let yourself put them away until all of the locks on the door have been locked.
Debbiemomogiri on December 7th, 2011 04:35 am (UTC)
Yeah, this fiasco happened because I had the keys, but I put it in my pocket and forgot to lock the top lock = =''
At least the handle was reverse-locked when I walked out? XD

Lesson learneD!!
Anywhere Anyoneanywhereanyone on December 6th, 2011 05:53 am (UTC)
If in the case that none of your reminders work, I know there are handlesets that lock automatically.
Debbiemomogiri on December 7th, 2011 04:36 am (UTC)
Yeah, that will definitely be nice, but this apartment is not going to be long-term for either of us.
Definitely will be a nice addition if we were to stay!
bonzifanbonzifan on December 6th, 2011 02:12 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I have a terrible memory for locking things, turning out lights etc, and I sympathise with you. I think putting a notice up is a great idea - it shows your housemate you are serious about it, and it should prompt you every time too. Maybe use the phone idea too.

I think she is justified, in being pissed off, but she is also not sympathetic to your situation - that you are absent minded and I'm sure you have lots of other things on your mind, and you remember 99% of the time!

I come from England, and a safe area, I'd feel quite comfortable leaving the door to my own personal flat for a few hours. My house mate comes from America, and probably a more dangerous area. She likes the house to be locked AT ALL TIMES. I go along with this because it's no issue for me, but sometimes I come in and forget to lock it... eh.
Debbiemomogiri on December 7th, 2011 04:37 am (UTC)
;n; A kindred spirit! lolol It's nice to know there's a couple of us out there >__>

BUT I'm trying to improve!! I can do this~
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )